Getting Back Into Dating: Avoid "The Rebound Trap"

I was married seven and a half years and never really dated before my marriage. How do I avoid the rebound trap that people talk about? How will I know whether it's genuine or whether I'm using them to get over my last relationship and find solace? Will I have the damaged-goods stigma when women find out that I'm recently divorced? -- Jake A., 30, Salt Lake City, Utah

Jake, every positive relationship helps heal past wounds -- so in a way, we're seeking solace in every relationship. The only way to avoid a rebound relationship is to determine before you begin the dating process that you'll date a certain number of women before you start seriously dating just one. This will force you to take your time. If you didn't really date before your marriage, this may be an important step towards getting to know yourself. A year from now, you'll be a stronger and more confident person. The woman you might fall in love with now is probably going to be one who is a strong caregiver, someone who can help you recover from your marriage. A year or two from now, you may be more interested in a partner who's more independent, and you might be annoyed with someone who wanted to fix your life.

Sheila Ellison is leading a year-long course for women titled Life Design After Divorce. She is the author of "The Courage to Love Again: Creating Happy, Healthy Relationships After Divorce," "The Courage to Be a Single Mother: Becoming Whole Again After Divorce," " How Does She Do It? 101 Life Lessons from One Mother to Another," and "If Women Ruled the World" as well as six bestselling parenting books. She is the founder of SingleMomsConnect.org, a non-profit organization that connects single mothers in a one-to-one friendship that offers practical, emotional, and physical support as each woman rebuilds her life. She has appeared on "Oprah," NBC's "Later Today, and "The Early Show" on CBS. Her web site is completemom.com.

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