Your Recipe for Rejection Prevention

1. When someone I like rejects me, I feel like there’s something wrong with me.
Yes    No    Maybe   

2. I know that it takes time, effort and meeting lots of people to find the best mate possible.
Yes    No    Maybe   

3. I believe that there are many people who would love to be my mate.
Yes    No    Maybe   

4. Worrying about having to say "no" and hurting someone’s feelings gets in the way of my trying to date.
Yes    No    Maybe   

5. When someone says "no" to me, I have to know the reason why.
Yes    No    Maybe   

6. I secretly believe that I don't have enough to offer to get a good mate.
Yes    No    Maybe   

7. When I'm rejected, my feelings of attraction for the rejecter get even stronger.
Yes    No    Maybe   

8. When I get rejected, I say something to myself like, "Well, that’s their loss" and start looking for another sweetheart.
Yes    No    Maybe   

9. I am confident that I am the best that I can be and will be a good catch for someone.
Yes    No    Maybe   

10. Sometimes I continue to see someone I know is not a good match for me because I don't want to hurt their feelings by saying I am not really interested.
Yes    No    Maybe   

11. I worry that no one will ever love me.
Yes    No    Maybe   

12. Even though it is painful, I'm relieved when someone who is not really interested in me says so and ends the relationship.
Yes    No    Maybe   

13. I don't want someone to waste my time if they are not really interested in a relationship with me.
Yes    No    Maybe   

14. When I get rejected, it can take a long time for me to get the courage to try dating again.
Yes    No    Maybe   

to calculate your score.

Your score:

How to interpret your score

28 -- You are doing great and are ready to take dating risks. You have a realistic perspective on rejection, take a "no" in stride, and use it as news that it is time to move on with your search.

23-27 -- You are in good shape for the rigors of dating. You know that "no's" are part of the game and you do not allow the risk of rejection to get in the way of finding your best mate.

18-22 -- You've got some areas that could use work. See the key below for the answers that give the strongest scores, and then my suggestions for how to improve your score.

13-17 -- Yikes! Your worries about getting and giving "no's" likely cause you a great deal of anxiety and pain. But you are not hopeless. Do yourself a favor and get an "attitude adjustment" on dating risks and woes. Perhaps enlisting the aid of a romance coach could be just what you need to get over this hump.

13 or under -- There's a strong likelihood that you are severely crippled in your love life by rejection fears. Often folks with scores like yours are just about paralyzed and unable to take any action at all to find love. If you are to have a good chance at finding the best partner, you need to do some intensive work to get more realistic and less panicked. Consider hiring a coach or therapist to help you readjust your thinking.

Key:

For the strongest possible outcome on the Rejection Protection test, statements 2, 3, 8, 9, 12 and 13 should be "yes's," and statements 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11 and 14 should be "no's."

Worries about getting and giving "no's" keep lots of singles on the sidelines. If you'd like to move into the game with less pain and agony, see if any of the following might help:

1. At least half of being rejected has nothing to do with you at all.

As in ballroom dancing, both people in a relationship have a role to play and bear half of the responsibility for what happens. While part of being rejected may indeed be about you, the other half of what happens is about your date. Who knows what's going on in his or her mind? Not you, for sure! Your date may be having a very bad day when nothing or no one could please them. You may remind them of their dreaded ex, or have an innocuous habit that drives them bananas, like cracking your knuckles. A "no" is not a comment on your right to exist. It's just a "no," and some information about your date, their taste and judgment. That is about them and not you.

2. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

If there is one thing that Internet dating has done and done well, it has helped singles be aware of all the other singles who are actively looking for love. No longer are we restricted to our immediate neighborhood and social circle. Singles everywhere are advertising their availability. It's super-easy to find hundreds of likely candidates, all within easy driving distance. Cultivate an attitude of abundance. If your date is not the best possible match for you, then move on and find someone who is. Say or accept the "no" and hit the Internet.

3. Somebody may actually be exercising good judgment.

Regardless of the success of online dating, nobody has figured out exactly what makes a perfect match. The factors predicting success are infinitely multiple, and some of us know better and more quickly than others. Remember the old saying "Two heads are better than one"? In this case, how true. You may not have figured out in a date or two that you and your potential partner aren't the best match, but maybe he or she has. Just because you don't know yet doesn't mean it isn't true. Other than you, no one is better equipped to make a decision about your future together than your date.

4. Every "no" brings you closer to the big "YES!"

Salespeople have lots of practice every day in hearing "no's." An effective way to keep selling is to figure out the ratio of "no's" to yes's." On average, how many customers do you need to approach to make a sale? If a salesperson traces his customer contacts and final sales results, he may find that it takes 23 customers to sell one of his widgets. So the closer he gets to 22, the more likely it is that the salesperson will make a sale with the next customer. Of course, you only have to make one good sale. But how many dates should you expect to meet before you give up? Just one? Highly unlikely. 10? Your odds are better. But what if you said, "I'm willing to have 100 first dates before I give up." Your odds of success get a lot better. You don't know if the "right" date will be number 14 or number 99, but every date you go on gets you one closer to success.

5. You'll probably never know "Why?"

You might as well give up on ever getting the satisfaction of knowing why your date said "no." First off, they may not know themselves. They might "feel" the "no" but not know where it comes from. You can ask why, but your date might lie. And really, why do you want to know? Usually that comes from "If I know why, then I can change their mind, or change myself to fit." Why would you want to convince someone who has said "no" to you to give you a "yes"? Do you really want to be with someone who is not sure, who is not totally crazy about you? Do you really want to twist yourself into something you're not? Think about it.

Romance coach and author Kathryn Lord met her now husband Drew online. Out of the dating world for years, Kathryn conquered her fears, found her perfect mate and built a solid relationship. She put what she has learned into writing in "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women". A psychotherapist, Kathryn has been helping singles and couples for more than 25 years. She is on the web at Find-a-Sweetheart.com.

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