About Dating & Relationships > Cindy Chupack - Relationship Equivalency Exam

There's nothing worse than almost marrying someone, breaking it off, and having to start over with a blind date. It's like failing your senior year of high school and having to go back to kindergarten. And now, thanks to the media blitz of all media blitzes, we know that single women don't have the time, patience, or eggs for that kind of setback.

I was happy to read that, despite all the hoopla (and there was significant hoopla, including the cover of Time magazine), Sylvia Ann Hewlett's book about the "epidemic of childlessness" is not selling. I love that it's not selling. I feel that by not buying this book (Creating a Life, Professional Women and the Quest for Children), thousands of fabulous, single, thirty-something, career-minded, childless-but-hopeful women like myself essentially covered our ears and said, "I can't hear you la la la."

The thing is, telling women -- especially single women -- that they need to hurry up and have children is like telling an elderly woman with a walker that she needs to get across the street faster. She wants to get across the street. She's trying to get across the street. Yelling that the light is changing and cars are coming will not help her get across the street.

One thing that would help us get across the street is shortening the time we spend in less-than-stellar relationships. And one reason these relationships can take years is that we've always had to start over from scratch. But no more, because I have devised the time- and egg-saving Relationship Equivalency Exam! The exam is completely unscientific, but until someone comes up with a better one, this is the standard. You and only you can determine whether your date's answer merits relationship credit, allowing him/her to place out of that particular relationship stage. This exam should be administered over drinks, because if all goes well, you might be moving in rather than going to dinner.

Relationship Equivalency Exam for Men

1. English: What does it mean when you say, "I'll call you?"

2. Math: How many women can you have sex with and still be monogamous?

3. Psychology: Other than abject fear, what are some possible reactions to the words, "I love you?"

4. Economics: Who pays for dinner if your date makes more than you, and how long before you resent her for it?

5. Physics: Find a way to arrange your bathroom items on your half of the sink, knowing full well your girlfriend needs the whole sink for her items.

Relationship Equivalency Exam for Women

1. English: When you say, "I'm not in a rush to get married," define the word "rush."

2. Math: Is the amount of minutes it takes you to evaluate a date as a potential husband more than or equal to the amount of minutes it takes you to identify and ignore the red flags?

3. Psychology: Other than abject fear, what are some possible reactions to the words, "I need space?"

4. Economics: How much should you pay for an apartment you never visit in order to keep a boyfriend from freaking out that you live in his?

5. Physics: Find a way to arrange your bathroom items on your half o£ the sink while still maintaining the illusion that you wake up looking this good.

Pencils down. Break up or marry accordingly.

Cindy Chupack has been executive producer/writer on HBO's Emmy and Golden Globe-winning series, Sex and the City. She's been with the show since the second season, and episodes she penned ("Evolution," "Attack of the 5'10" Woman," "Just Say Yes," "Plus One is the Loneliest Number" and "I Love a Charade") have been nominated for Writers Guild of America and Emmy awards.

Chupack is currently bi-coastal, giving her the opportunity for heartbreak, humiliation and story-gathering on both coasts. She grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and received a journalism degree from Northwestern University, then moved to New York City to work in advertising right out of college. She sold her first humorous essay to New York Woman magazine in 1990. The piece was spotted by a TV writer/producer who encouraged her to pursue comedy writing, which she's been doing ever since. She also wrote, created and executive produced the short-lived but well reviewed ABC series, Madigan Men, which starred Gabriel Byrne. Prior to working on Sex and the City, she spent two seasons writing Everybody Loves Raymond, and before that she wrote for Coach, and before that she wrote for a bunch of failed series only her parents would watch.

Chupack (like Carrie Bradshaw) has written humorous essays about dating and relationships for Glamour, Harper's Bazaar, Allure and Slate. She had a monthly column in Glamour called Dating Dictionary, and it has always been a dream of hers to publish a book of essays, so she is particularly excited about the release of "The Between Boyfriends Book."