What Should I Talk About On A First Coffee Date?
Tom Blake answers to your questions about dating and romance at 50+
What are the best icebreakers or topics to discuss on the first coffee date? And after the date, should we shake hands or kiss on the cheek? -- Charles H., 59, Tualatin, Ore.
Charles, ask a lot of questions about her, but nothing too personal or nothing about how financially well off she is. Ask about where she grew up or worked, her family, hobbies, interests, and what she's looking for in a mate. Don't talk too much about you, which can be a sign of nervousness or an inflated ego. Relax and have fun. You aren't on "Good Morning America" - you're only on a date with a person who is likely as anxious as you. Be yourself.
Age discrepancy?
Why do men lie about their age? Recently I set a date with a gentleman who I thought was 58. Upon meeting, he turned out to be more like 78. He was intelligent and pleasant enough, but not the love match I was seeking. How do I reject a man without wounding his ego? -- Liza F., 57, Valley Village, Calif.
Liza, men and women both lie about their ages. On the Internet, nearly 70 percent of people lie, saying they are younger than they are. They lie because they want people to meet them and they realize if they were honest, they wouldn't get to meet people much younger. Lying about one's age is counterproductive. It will catch up with you sooner or later. If someone lies by 20 years, tell him, "I'm sorry. You misrepresented your age, and this isn't going to work." Don't worry about wounding his ego he caused the problem himself. Don't waste your time trying to explain.
Dating a widower
I'm dating a widower. His wife has been dead for about 15 months. He says he feels guilty after being with me and has to visit her gravesite for consolation. It's changing the way I feel about him. Am I making a mistake being with him? -- Chari K., 62, Texas City, Texas
Chari, dating someone who has suffered the loss of a loved one is always risky, especially if he hasn't properly healed. Your widower hasn't healed. He needs more time. Widowers often think they've healed and rush right out there to try to fill the void in their lives. But they suffer guilt and then withdraw from the relationship, which is what is happening with you. Go to my web site, findingloveafter50.com, and check out the articles about dating a widower and the e-book "After the Healing. A Guidebook for Widowers and Widows." Only you can make the decision about whether you are making a mistake or not. But, he's not ready for a relationship.
Older seeking younger
I want to know why most women do not respond to men 25-45 years their senior. I get responses such as, "Sorry, our age difference is too great." How can I find a younger woman who wants an older man? -- Juan C., 61, Savannah, Ga.
Juan, ask yourself, "Would I respond to a woman 86 to 106 years old who wanted to meet me?" Of course you wouldn't. Well, women feel the same way. What makes you think women that much younger would have an interest in you? What could you offer them that men closer to their age couldn't? Plus, there's a good chance they'd be widowed at a young age, and women prefer to avoid that if they can. Look for women close to your age. That's where you'll find happiness.
Tom Blake has written more
than 600 newspaper columns on middle age dating and relationships.
His "Single Again" column is featured in the Orange County (Calif.)
Register. Tom is the author of two books:
"Finding
Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do" and "Middle
Aged and Dating Again." He has made multiple appearances as
a keynote speaker at national AARP conventions and as a dating after
50 expert on the NBC show, Today. Sign up for Tom's free weekly
"Finding Love After 50" e-letter, read previous columns or order
books at www.findingloveafter50.com.
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