Find the partner you want: Make a list and check it twice
By Marilyn Graman
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to choose what you want in a partner and get
it, like ordering food in a restaurant? "I'll take one caring person who
is ready to have a long-term relationship and wants to cherish me. And can I
have a side of a large bank account, please, and I'll finish with a sports fan
who's athletic. Hmm, what do I want to drink? How about a pint of likes to travel.
Thanks, and oh, I'm kind of in a hurry so can you ask the chef to put in my
order ASAP?"
When you eat out, you read the menu, get clear about what you want, then order
it. Magically, it comes to you. What if you could do the same when it comes
to choosing a good partner for yourself? Of course you can't just choose a partner
from a menu, yet you do have a lot more choice than you may realize. You are
making choices all the time, either actively or passively.
How to Interview a Potential Partner
Interviewing is a way to discover how a potential partner fits in with what you want. It doesn't mean sitting them down and going through your lists on the first date. That would surely scare anyone off! It does mean keeping your lists in mind as you go out on a date and steering the conversation toward topics that are important to you.
For effective interviewing:
1. Buy a notebook to record your dating experiences.
2. Make your five lists.
3. Read your lists before you go out with someone.
4. Put your lists and notebook where you'll land when you come home.
5. While you're out, be observant. Notice how your date acts and what he or she says. Ask a lot of questions and steer the conversation toward subjects you want to find out about, and don't forget to have fun!
6. When you get home, record your impressions in your notebook. Write as many details as you can remember as objectively as you can. If you find the person appealing, remember to stay awake to your lists.
7. Check what you know about the person compared to your six "musts." You will come up with one of three conclusions:
a.) He or she fits all six. In that case, refer to your "very importants" and "must nots." If the person is not your type but has all six "musts," give him or her a chance and go out with them again.
b.) He or she doesn't fit all six. Do not go out with that person again.
c.) You don't have enough information and need to go out with him or her once or twice more to see how it fits for you.
8. Check your other lists.
9. Read your lists daily, at a time when you're relaxed and can let them sink in.
10. Expect to meet him or her, knowing they'll come into your life. Keep your heart open.
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So if you've been making choices all along, why don't you already have what
you want in a partner? Perhaps it's because, like many of us, you haven't realized
that you need to clarify what you want before you can choose well for yourself.
When you order food from a menu, you know that you need to specify what kind
of salad dressing you want or how rare you'd like your steak. Otherwise, you'll
have to take what the kitchen sends you. It's the same with relationships. When
you get clear about what you desire, you open the way for it to come to you.
When it comes to you, you will be able to recognize it and receive it.
Finding the partner who will make you happy is one of the most important things
in life. Why leave it up to chance, fate, or a blind date? You wouldn't choose
a job, a school, or a house without being clear about your desires and doing
a lot of research. Why not give yourself the same advantage when choosing the
person you want to share your life with? You can draw toward you the partner
and the relationship you desire simply by clarifying what is important to you
and making good choices for yourself.
Exercise your power of choice
My method of making lists and interviewing allows you to get clear about what
you want in a partner, then exercise your power of choice to have what you want.
It's simple and the results can be stunning. Thousands of women have already
used this system to have what they want with a man. Now men and women can use
it to attract the partner you've been yearning for. First, throw away that written
or mental list of a partner's ideal qualities. Everyone has a list like that,
whether it's in your head or in a notebook. Don't we? Do you want a man who
looks Harrison Ford or a woman who looks like Halle Barry? How about a marathon
runner who wants to watch sports five hours a day, never complains about housework,
has a great sense of humor and an IQ of 175, loves dogs, speaks five languages,
and brings in a six-figure income? Whatever your ideal, it's time to get real.
Then you can attract the walking, talking, real-life human being you want into
your life.
How can you do this? By making the following five heartfelt lists that reflect
your true desires and priorities. These lists allow you to be focused about
what you want. They will help you let go of the ideal picture you've been holding
and get realistic about what will bring you happiness. You won't find an ideal
out there, but you can find a real human being who will make you happy -- when
he or she is treated well, understood, loved, and appreciated.
These five lists will change the way you approach dating and relationships.
It is important to keep your heart open to yourself as you make your lists.
Gaining clarity is a loving thing to do for yourself because it allows you to
attract and recognize the partner you desire. Before writing, breathe a few
times with your hand on your heart so you can connect with what's loving for
yourself. Do the lists in pencil until you're sure you've got them right, then
write them in pen.
After they're written in pen, they are set in stone. They represent what you
want, and you owe it to yourself to stick to them. You can have what you want
when you make your lists, stick to them, and use the answers to interview potential
partners.
List #1: The Six "Musts"
The six "musts" are the attributes a potential partner absolutely
must have for you to consider him or her. If a person doesn't have these qualities,
you will eventually leave the relationship. Getting clear about your "musts"
can save you a lot of heartache. How many people have had their hearts broken
because their partner doesn't want to get married and they do, or their partner
doesn't want to have children and they do?
If you want to get married and have children, those are two of your "musts."
If you want someone who shares your religion, that would be a third "must."
If you want someone with a certain amount of financial stability, that's a fourth
"must." The remaining "musts" might have to do with where
someone lives, how much time they can spend with you, their moral code, whether
or not they already have children by a former partner, or whatever is of supreme
importance to you.
To read the rest of this article, Click here
Marilyn Graman is the author of "There
is No Prince and Other Truths Your Mother Never Told You: A Guide to Having
the Relationship You Want." Look For Marilyn online at lifeworksgroup.com.
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