Readers talk about finding their right relationship

Now it's our readers' turn to talk back to Stacy D. Phillips and her article, "27 ways to know if you've found the right relationship for you."

Ask these, too

More questions to ask about your relationship:

• 25. Who controls the remote control?
• 26. Leno, Letterman, or Nightline?
• 27. Meat-eater or vegetarian?
• 28. Sharing of chores?
• 29. Pets or no pets?
• 30. Prenup?
-- Jennifer H.

My feelings about me

How does (significant other) make me feel about me? For example, do I feel loved, needed, respected, like the person I want to be, important, sexy, and intelligent? Most of the questions you raised represent the "surface" issues we confront early in a new relationship. As time moves on, the determination of whom we choose to be with for the long haul has as much to do with the deeper, psychological questions about who we are, who we want to be, who we need to be. What say you? -- Innisfree S.

Check the family, too

Look at a person's family to determine what they are going to be like. Look at her mother to know what she will be like as a mother and wife. Look at how she treats her father and that's how she will treat you. Even look at how she views her family and her relationship with her parents to determine if she will be a good parent.

A dysfunctional relationship with my parents has hurt my chances of a normal relationship too many times to count even though I try to keep the drama to a minimum and always try to give my parents and the one I am dating the utmost respect in the situation. With so many dysfunctional families in this world, I believe it is not always fair to judge a person by his or her parents. I cannot do anything to help the situation my parents put themselves in -- getting married and having a child when they were obviously not ready. All I can change is making sure that I am ready, that I pick the best partner that I can, that I trust in God and that I give parenting my best and consult a professional that I trust if I'm uncertain. What do you think? -- Victoria K.

You're out of your minds

Are you people out of your minds? Family lawyers have created a system that has destroyed the American family. This is the most tasteless, insulting thing I have seen Yahoo!, or any other site -- whether seriously or as a joke. -- Dr. G.W.

Everyday habits

If there's one thing I learned in my last relationship (of 13 years) is that love is not enough! If you don't have those everyday habits -- large and small -- in common, the love will die. This time I'm going to be practical and see if love grows out of that. -- Carol S.

Seniors have unique problems

Some of the issues Stacy brought up are important across all age lines. But seniors have unique problems as they near the end of their working careers. Retirement, health concerns, two firmly established households and many more. Some people have been in long-term relationships; some have had multiple marriages. Please, give some thought to our older citizens. That age group is growing. -- Nancy

Ridiculous

Your article is ridiculous. Talk about values like how loyal a person is, rather than what style furniture you each like. Would that make a difference if two people are really in love. Hogwash! -- Patricia J.

Different ages, different criteria

The same criteria do not apply to persons of differing ages. A woman or man, under 45, divorced or widowed, may still think in terms of finding "Mr." or "Ms. Right." Young people may still consider having children and finding someone who meets long-term criteria.

When one is middle-aged or over, mere compatibility is a more reasonable goal. Thinking about the long-term when making new acquaintances is, I find, unrealistic. One should be setting one's sights on finding a relationship that is fun, personally enhancing, right now.

My experience on Yahoo! Personals was that the women, over 45, were all focused on finding a man who could "first" be a long-term friend. Many were trying to replace the person with whom they once pledged, "Until death us do part". Well, that pledge did not work, and trying to find someone to take that pledge after the midpoint of one's life is a presumption.

If having and raising children are no longer a concern, then the near term is far more important than the long-term. The long-term goal - replacing the former "one and only" - is an impediment to enjoying life right now. Women past 45 (and men) are far better advised to find a compatible friend, to enjoy what the friendship may offer and to cease trying to use sex as a means of prying long-term commitments from men who may be entertaining, amusing and helpful friends in the present. -- Rephioh

Cleaning

I think cleaning habits and how neat someone is should be considered. -- Joyce S.

Internet friends

You forgot one very important issue. I met this wonderful lady. Once we were married and I was deeply in love with her, she let me know she had male friends on the Internet and liked to sneak out to meet them. She did not want to break up but she would not give up her male friends. She would either tell me she would never give them up, or ask, "What male friends?" Men did call the house and finally we got divorced. So know your mate. Never rush into a marriage. -- Lawrence S.

Real situations

People need to be tested in real situations. See if a person is selfish or mean to animals. Watch the way they treat others, especially strangers. If they have no regard for their fellow man, look out big trouble is store. -- Jim

Too superficial

I found this too superficial. Here are more relevant questions.

1. How emotionally intelligent are you? To what degree are you emotionally secure, stable, and balanced? How often do you get angry? And over what? How long does it last?
2. Describe your personality traits? Are you an intense or easygoing person?
3. What are your communication skills like, as well as your interpersonal skills? Are you an active listener? Can you identify and express your feelings and emotions in a healthy way?
4. What's your value and belief system like? Describe your level of compassion, tolerance, respect, kindness, integrity, honesty, etc., in all areas of life. Including social, cultural, spiritual and political views.
5. What's your lifestyle like? Describe your level of awareness and activity around health issues? -- Larry C.

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