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Cathy, 46, Moorpark, Calif.
I don't think it is wise to meet without seeing a picture. Have a few phone conversations to get to know each other better, then, if you're still interested, meet. |
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Michael, 45, Sacramento, Calif.
I typically play it by ear. It depends on how the email conversation is going and if there is chemistry brewing. Only once did I go on a date without pictures. The girl was extremely beautiful -- I lucked out. For those who don't have pictures, I've been very good at telling who was sitting behind the profile. I do answer profiles without pictures and do make the first communication. Sometimes, you can tell. |
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Gloria, 50, Rochester, N.Y.
Show me the photo. Show me three photos and make sure you aren't looking like Pierce Brosnan in one and Captain Kangaroo in the next (rest his soul). I need to see your eyes (no shades), your teeth (in case they're scarce) and your head (take off the baseball cap, it's not sexy anyway). No photos taken from 100 feet away where your head is the size of a pea. And if your clothes look like they were worn in the disco days, that's probably when the photo was taken. Once all the cards are on the table with the visuals, and the person's personality sounds promising, I'd say a few emails back and forth to find out basics is enough. Then comes the dreaded "phone stage." I never agree to meet anyone until after I've spoken with them. After one guy started out on the phone calling me "darlin'" and then asked me, "How many young 'uns ya got?" I decided from then on in that they will have to pass the phone test before meeting. |
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Isaiah, 34, Cincinnati, Ohio
After you have established a common base of interest, it would be natural to want to meet in person. It feels only fair that the person be as open and honest as you are. If a person has an incomplete profile or no picture attached, that should send a red flag that the person isn't truly into this. |
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Christina,33, Albany, N.Y.
It all depends on my level of comfort. If we hit it off on email, I move on to speaking on the phone. If things are going along nicely, I will meet up with the person in a very public place. If someone does not have a picture or has an incomplete profile, I ask them to either post a picture or email me one. If the profile is incomplete and the questions are ones that matter to me, I ask them to complete the profile. |
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Cindy, 49, Juno Beach, Fla.
It depends on your age and your experience in dating and relationships. If you do your homework and look for the red flags and deal breakers, you could agree to meet after a week of talking. I say no, do not agree to meet someone who does not post their picture or has an incomplete profile. I feel someone is hiding something, and that's not a good start. |
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Ed, 40, Yarmouth, Iowa
Meeting for the first time should be a mutual decision and neither party should feel pressured into it. If you both want to meet, it might be after only a couple of emails, or maybe 20, but you'll know when it's right. Only once have I met someone after emailing and messaging who didn't have a picture. I wasn't an "ideal" situation, and I wouldn't do it again. If they aren't willing to share a picture, red flags go up for me. |
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Molly, 36, San Diego, Calif.
I think developing a rapport and conversation first is important. I am really turned off by guys who want to meet without knowing anything about me other than what is in my profile. If someone is truly interested in a relationship, they will want to take the time to get to know me first. I wouldn't meet anyone who hasn't posted a photo, but an incomplete profile can be completed in the private correspondence. Bottom line: Get the information you need to feel comfortable meeting the person, and view the meeting as a possible friendship first. |
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Steven, 35, Franklin Square, N.Y.
I feel that three emails followed by a few phone calls gives people sufficient time to decide if they should meet. Generally, I only look at profiles that include pictures, or I'll ask for one. If a profile is incomplete, you could always ask the person to provide the answers to the questions they didn't answer. |
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Mary, 51, Seattle, Wash.
After about three to five emails (per person), I feel it's time for a reality check meeting. Time is precious, and no one wants to be building up false expectations and hopes about a person for too long, only to find out the person is not as attractive to you in person.
I would never meet someone without seeing their photo. Incomplete profiles are OK if I've been able to get clarity about the person via their informative emails. However, I've also regretted not seeing a complete profile before meeting, when I realized there was good reason why the profile information was missing. These bits of wisdom evolve through experience!
Going with gut feelings has turned out to be both right and wrong, so I think the information that really matters to you should shared upfront before meeting (examples: kids, education, smoke or not, career info, or whatever matters to you personally).
Instant messaging is not a way I like to correspond or meet people. I prefer time between emails, which allows for some thoughtfulness before writing back.
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Morgan, 54, Louisville, Ky.
I believe that the time varies with each individual. After a few emails or IMs you can get a feel for what she wants, so just go with the flow. If you need a date that bad, find someone else and just keep in touch until she is ready. And as far as meeting someone without a pic, NO NO NO. I have done it three times and each time I put myself in a position that was very uncomfortable for me and I am sure for them as well. I am old enough to realize that looks are not everything, but there has to be chemistry, and words cannot express that. Incomplete profiles can be dealt with if all else is correct. |
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Sharena, 34, Placentia, Calif.
Email for about a week. I don't waste time. It doesn't matter how great you can chat online; the presence and chemistry with that person is most important. My philosophy is, if you don't post a photo, you're either married, in a relationship, or such a recluse you have no photos. So, those are easy -- delete! |
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Eileen, 39, Mount Angel, Ore.
Meet each other as soon as possible! There seems to be a window of time where you really need to meet him so nobody fills-in-the-blanks with the answers they want rather than reality. Email is one-dimensional; phone calls are two-dimensional, and face-to-face is three-dimensional. It's imperative if you want something real! |
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Will, 58, Glendale, Calif.
I believe in minimizing the surprises upon first in-person contact. In our age of communications technology, anyone I would want to meet should be able to send me photos. Within three or four exchanges of emails, there is little excuse for not acquiring photos to share -- and they should be no more than a year old. Some of her profile elements may be more private than she wants to share before meeting me, to reach a level of trust. I can deal with that, but if the topic is one that really matters to me, I will probably ask about the missing information ahead of time. |
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Anny, 24, Tempe, Ariz.
I wouldn't agree to meet with someone without a picture. I apologize if I sound shallow, but I am speaking from experience here. Bad, bad situations can take place if you don't know what you are getting yourself into!
As far as how long to email or Instant Message, I think it depends on the person. I have exchanged emails and IMs for months on end and then finally met someone in person and have no chemistry whatsoever in real life. On the other hand, I have emailed and IM'd other people for merely a couple of weeks and then met in person to find that we get along even better in real life than in "virtual life." |
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Robert, 52, Mill Valley, Calif.
As long as it takes to wear her defenses down to dust -- usually about three years if she doesn't get an injunction against me beforehand. My slogan is location, location, location. No, wait, that's my real estate slogan. Quantity, quantity, quantity! Bury her with flattery and nonsense to the point where she is willing, eager even, to meet me and tell me face-to-face exactly what she thinks of me.
If she doesn't have a photo, I'll ask her if she is good in bed. If she says yes, I'll say, "Great, then forget about your photo -- just send me a drawing of yourself" (after all, a guy can't be too careful). If she says no, I'll say, "Great, then forget about your photo -- just send me a drawing of yourself" (after all, a guy can't be too choosy!). |
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Nancy, 49, Scottsdale, Ariz.
I don't spend a lot of time with emailing back and forth. I tell people that I'm not a good pen pal and would rather talk on the phone after one or two emails. I rarely IM because it is too time-consuming. I never meet anyone without first seeing a picture. With today's technology, there's no excuse not to post a picture unless there is something to hide. There are so many other profiles that are filled out and with photos, why waste time on someone who didn't put in the effort? The Internet is a visual medium, and photos are a must. |
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Valerie, 63, Sonoma, Calif.
Phone calls are a quicker way. Too many emails do not allow you to know the person's personality and behavior. No lengthy emails work for me. No picture, no profile -- no meeting. |
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